A relationship remembers. If you are demeaned or discounted, that action becomes a part of your relationship, one which will have a toxic influence in future transactions. Research has shown that with couples, one discount has the force of five actions that validate or appreciate. This is known as the "Law of Five to One".

Nature has designed each of us to survive, and so we are, almost from birth, sensitive to the slightest sign of threat. When we perceive a threat, we tend to go into a defensive mode: fight, freeze or flight. We resist what is proposed and if forced to comply, we take action to preserve our feelings of being meaningful - our autonomy and self-respect. We "get even" whatever way we we can and may even even do things which are self-destructive rather than just give in.

A Mutual Relationship for Accomplishment

In contrast, when a field is perceived as respectful, appreciative and meaningful, we tend to be open, available and cooperative.

What are the Predictors of Your Future Happiness?