Until after World War I (1918), sex was officially a sin. Kellogg's Corn Flakes and Graham Crackers were originally promoted as food that calmed the need for sex and masturbation. During the "forties" and "fifties" Catholic school children were taught that willful 'venereal' pleasure was a mortal sin. There has been a cultural bonding of sexuality, sin and shame.

Modern Concepts . . .

Fortunately much has changed since the first wave of feminism in the "twenties" and the liberation movements of the "sixties". The Kinsey Reports (1948 and 1953) paved the way for the "Sexual Revolution". The development of the birth control pill, sex education in schools, movies, TV, media and the Internet have made sex an everyday topic of conversation and have changed the sexual landscape. The modern perspective, sold by all the media, is that everyone can easily have great sex.

Unfortunately, "much of today's public discourse about sexuality is almost exclusively about risks and danger: abuse, addiction, dysfunction, infection, pedophilia, teen pregnancy and the struggle of sexual minorities for their civil rights" wrote Beverly Whipple, Ph.D. in "The Health Benefits of Sexual Expression": 2008. The bad and shameful focus persists in many people.

The truth is, healthy sexuality is a gift to all humanity designed for pleasure and loving connection. It is however, neither simple nor easy because human sexual desire is complex and gender differences are not always understood and respected. Each of us has his or her own unique preferences and fantasies that trigger the sexual desire needed to drive a truly rewarding experience.

These strange attracting energizers of desire speak to you or me because our past experience tells us that they promise to satisfy some of the hungers of our heart and/or replay some of the original emotional attachments. These hungers and attractors may range from the simple ego gratification of a 'one night stand' to deeply felt gratification from intimate connection with a beloved partner.

To demonstrate self as male
To express a non-verbal "I love you"
To have intense pleasure
To relieve sexual tension
To confirm and solidify choice of partner
To get to know personality of women
To affirm self-worth
To solve an interpersonal difficulty
To experience control and domination
To give comfort to a woman who is distressed

A similar study of women which I conducted in 1996 revealed the women's top ten reasons for having intercourse as:

To express love
To validate self as desirable
To be intimately connected and close to partner
To please partner
To attract a relationship
To cement a relationship
To experience pleasure
To get pregnant
To reward a partner for some behavior that pleased her
To feel taken care of